Marriage Counseling to Reset the Direction of Your Relationship
“What happened to my marriage? Can marriage counseling help at this point?”
Think back to when you first knew you were in love with your partner. Were you mostly critical of your partner? At that time did you feel as though you were constantly on the defensive? Probably not.
So, what happened? How did loving glances turn to harsh stares? How did those soft touches turn to cold shoulders?
If this sounds like your relationship, you are not alone. Couples often see only the good in the earliest days of the relationship, but later wonder what they ever saw that caused that initial attraction. “We married for the wrong reasons,” I often hear. You may have come to the conclusion,“He changed!” OR “She isn’t the woman I married.” Sure, we all change. But probably not from the kind Jekyll to the evil Hyde.
If I could give you only one marriage counseling tip that would have the greatest effect in your marriage it would be this – Stop looking at all the bad in your partner and begin looking for the good.
I know it’s hard…especially when you feel under attack from your partner. But it can be done – no, it MUST be done.
There is a pattern of attack and withdraw in your marriage. I know that there is because it is true of EVERY couple who is having marriage problems. The criticism and defensiveness and the pattern of attack and withdrawal MUST end in order for your marriage to change.
And You can only work on you. You probably have a pretty good idea of the things your partner needs to change. But you won’t be able to say them out loud. Because of the defensiveness in your marriage relationship, you can’t give your partner even helpful feedback. Your feedback will be seen as a criticism.
Hopefully, there will be a time when you can be a mirror to each other. But that time isn’t now. The way you relate to each other is too harsh. Your marriage isn’t safe.
So, work on improving the way you think about your partner. Change the way you communicate with your partner. When you and your spouse begin to trust each other, to feel safe in your interactions,the defensiveness will begin to ease. Mutual love and respect can flow more freely again.
Would you like to look forward to the time you spend with your spouse again? Want to know how to get there? If you have just a flicker of hope and are willing to give it another try, there are proven strategies that can work for you. The very first task is to switch from interactions filled with criticism and defensiveness to efforts at cooperation and consideration.
You probably have a number of urgent issues that need immediate attention. But every time the two of you try to talk about them you just end up in an argument. They won’t get settled until you learn to cooperate. So, set them aside for now. Work on getting cooperation on the easy stuff. We’ll get to the more difficult issues later.
Restoring love and respect in your relationship is the first step in regaining healthy interaction. Mutual love and respect are essential to resolving any other relationship issues. So, begin here and learn how to maintain these important elements. Click here to continue.