Daryl Richey PhD Psychologist

Why start with a focus on relationship? Even if you are looking for help with individual problems like depression or anxiety, the health of your relationships reflect your psychological health and will, ultimately, support your restoration.

Relationship is Essential to Life!

We are born from the union of relationship. We are “brought up” in relationships. We continue to depend on relationships for our very existence until the end of life.

“The natural condition of life for human beings is [connection with others.] To feel secure we need to know that we are loved, that the important people in our lives are for us. Being certain that others are for us is the condition of stable healthy living. If this certainty is not present, we are walking wounded, our lives more or less a shambles until we die…It is hard to imagine anyone in this world who has not been deeply wounded in his/her relationships with others.” (Dallas Willard)

So, if connection with others is the natural condition of life, why are relationships so difficult? Why do we have relationship problems?

Well, one reason is that we have been “deeply wounded” in our relationships. We’ve been hurt, rejected, traumatized…and now we’re not so certain that relationships are all that great. We’re gun shy, reluctant, defensive.

But we need each other.

Healthy relationships with people who are “for us” is essential for stable, healthy living. But in order to have those kinds of healthy, supportive relationships we have to overcome a number of barriers. Counseling can help.

What are the barriers to healthy relationship? One or more of the barriers to relationship listed below are likely the reason you are seeking counseling.

Skill Deficits

None of us had perfect parents. They were wounded too, reluctant and defensive, even in teaching us how to relate to others. So, we may have just not developed the needed skills. Our brains may just not have the necessary circuits.

Trauma

Talk about messing up the circuits…you may have experienced child abuse in the form of physical abuse, sexual abuse, and/or prolonged emotional abuse. Trauma at any time in life, increases the brain circuitry for self-protection and decreases the circuits for drawing close to others.

 Compulsive Behavior

Compulsive behaviors, such as alcohol and other substance use disorders,, pornography and compulsive sexual behaviors, are other sure ways to mess up the brain circuitry. I agree with a number of other psychologists who think of all compulsive behaviors like these as a sort of relationship disorder…a false and inadequate replacement for the relationship intimacy we all so desperately need.

Anxiety and Depression

If you suffer from an anxiety disorder or clinical depression, you may avoid people. It may just seem easier to isolate. You may say, “Why would I want to be around people when it just adds to my anxiety and makes me more depressed?”

Anger

Sometimes defensiveness has a hair trigger. You may be suspicious of nearly everyone and everything and just go off without any control. Problems with anger management often go hand-in-hand with anxiety, depression, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

There is hope. There is help!

The situation isn’t hopeless and you are not helpless. The barriers can be reduced and even removed. You can develop the skills you need. You can learn how to pick people who are trustworthy and healthy and learn to relate to them in a way that results in healthy, stable living.

Make an appointment to discuss any of the following concerns:

• relationship skills

• marriage counseling (Read More Here)

• depression help

• PTSD treatment

• anxiety coping skills

• substance use counseling

• therapy for compulsive sexual behavior

• anger management

You may have to work on personal barriers. Or maybe you can go directly to working on relationship skills. I would look forward to working with you on a starting place for hope and positive change toward “healthy, stable living.”